Today a very dear friend of mine called me for some professional coaching. While I won't disclose his identity, we enjoy a mutual admiration and respect, and so enjoy each other's company when we meet or talk. I consider him one of my dearest friends. He is one great guy, and an outstanding golfer who has also had many successes in business probably along with disappointments as well. I brag about this friend to others. He's over sixty, kills the ball, has a skilled short-game, a wonderful swing and competes with, and yes beats, the flatbellied teenagers and college kids in many scratch competitions. He's won state titles and is within spitting distance of a state golf "Hall of Fame" honor. When you add that he gets to travel, enjoys good health and vitality, and has a host of wonderful friends around the world and a loving wife, you're probably saying "Wow!" So have I.
Not so. My buddy was about to quit the game for good this morning. He was in a golfing depression. He's had it, and dropped out of a final round of a tournament yesterday after the third hole. No more golf, not happy. Rather fish instead. Nothing wrong with the fishing part, but how could this man, someone who most of the golfing world would trade places in a nano-second feel so sad? It came from his perspective.
He had fallen into the trap of despairing the distance to his destination, that he forgot to savor the distance he's come from his origin. He was focused upon his lack rather than his abundance. He was preoccupied with his failings and hardships instead of his accomplishments and blessings.
When life is bad for us in America, really bad by our standards, there are probably close to a billion other people around the world that would gladly trade any day for our worst. It's all in our perspective. In this man's case, 90 percent of the golfing population would love to paste a drive just once like he does many times a round or hit a laser-like iron at the target and can a putt as often as he does.
When I revealed to my buddy that I actually bragged about him to others, it started to wake him up. He had been playing golf (and life) for outcome, not enjoyment. As an ardent striver, he has always set lofty goals for himself that probably only a superhuman could attain. When he would fall short, he would feel the sting of failure, and likely even quietly demean himself. I reminded him that golf, like life, is a journey not a destination so failure is never possible.
Was my friend crazy? Absolutely not, but from our detached perspective we can see how one could either be sadly pained or happily elated given the same set of circumstances.
My friend is mature, honest, and open about himself, and his pain was finally enough to open his heart to some new ideas. While our conversation was much more involved, I encouraged him to try playing for joy and not for outcome, to notice all the joyful things about his golf course journey and to revel in them, to play from a position of love and abundance rather than from fear and scarcity, and to live and golf in correlation with his best or most authentic self.
I further explained that whatever he believes, he can create, if he adds patience, forgiveness, and eliminates judgment. So can you too!
If you think you can, you can. If you think this message is valuable and relevant, it is. If not, it isn't. The power is yours and it always has been. This is all more about remembering to remember for there is genius in all of us, and my dear friend will discover that he and not me is his ultimate best coach - his "best self."
Finally, I have only told you half the story. Yes, I did get this call this morning from my friend just as I have relayed to you, but the rest of the story could have been written about my journey as well. I have lived much of this same story and can relay to you that this process works. Look to enjoy the journey more and you will enjoy the journey more!
Yours in golf and life,
Bob Fagan
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Tiger Woods Masters' Finish
While Tiger Woods is a maestro with the golf club, I so don’t care about what he wants to sell me anymore. After his Masters interview with Peter Kostis, his image is also still in rehab. That interview was a perfect opportunity to say “Thank You” for the support and to demonstrate the “new Tiger,” but instead Woods was grumpy, impatient, sullen, and flip with his answers. That was the worst version of the old Tiger – as disappointing and embarrassing an interview as I’ve seen. His week started so well, but we've discovered he really hasn't grown much yet.
As for Nike’s contrived commercial with Tiger Woods’ father that forced us to look backwards before he had even hit a shot, they too might need a makeover or else become irrelevant. His Father was himself an adulterer, a fact that greatly impacted young Tiger when he discovered this. To continue to bring up Tiger Woods’ indiscretions, and superimpose his dead Father as a role model is boring, inappropriate, and tasteless. Nike would be better to work upon trying to make first class golf equipment.
As for Nike’s contrived commercial with Tiger Woods’ father that forced us to look backwards before he had even hit a shot, they too might need a makeover or else become irrelevant. His Father was himself an adulterer, a fact that greatly impacted young Tiger when he discovered this. To continue to bring up Tiger Woods’ indiscretions, and superimpose his dead Father as a role model is boring, inappropriate, and tasteless. Nike would be better to work upon trying to make first class golf equipment.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Golf Comebacks?
Want to talk about golf comebacks? While so much attention has been devoted to Tiger Woods' comeback from his brief self-imposed hiatus following his admissions of adultery, Ben Hogan's comeback and physically painful layoffs from his near fatal auto crash define the term and make Woods' so-called "comeback" hardly any comeback at all, though Woods' pride and reputation as a man has suffered greatly.
It was first thought that Ben Hogan would not survive the 1949 crash in which his car collided head-on with a bus in a dense fog. Doctors estimated that he might never walk again, and then he would never play golf again, let alone at any sort of championship level. Hogan proved all the medical community wrong and came back with a more dominating golf game than ever though his body was permanently weakened. Following the crash, his legs in particular were weakened and left him in perpetual pain. He played only a couple events in the 1950 campaign, first tying Sam Snead in the prestigious LA Open before losing in a playoff. In June he then won an 18-hole playoff over George Fazio and Lloyd Mangrum for the 1950 US Open title at the Merion Golf Club - East Course. Nursing his ailing body, he then took off for ten months before coming back to play in the 1951 Masters. (That's quite a layoff.) He won the tournament! He played four more tournaments that year winning three including the US Open at Oakland Hills in bringing that "Monster to its knees." The only place he didn't win was at "Hogan's Alley" where he finished 4th at his beloved Colonial Country Club. Again in 1953, Hogan played a limited schedule, but won all three major championships in which he played. That's not only a comeback, that's also domination.
It was first thought that Ben Hogan would not survive the 1949 crash in which his car collided head-on with a bus in a dense fog. Doctors estimated that he might never walk again, and then he would never play golf again, let alone at any sort of championship level. Hogan proved all the medical community wrong and came back with a more dominating golf game than ever though his body was permanently weakened. Following the crash, his legs in particular were weakened and left him in perpetual pain. He played only a couple events in the 1950 campaign, first tying Sam Snead in the prestigious LA Open before losing in a playoff. In June he then won an 18-hole playoff over George Fazio and Lloyd Mangrum for the 1950 US Open title at the Merion Golf Club - East Course. Nursing his ailing body, he then took off for ten months before coming back to play in the 1951 Masters. (That's quite a layoff.) He won the tournament! He played four more tournaments that year winning three including the US Open at Oakland Hills in bringing that "Monster to its knees." The only place he didn't win was at "Hogan's Alley" where he finished 4th at his beloved Colonial Country Club. Again in 1953, Hogan played a limited schedule, but won all three major championships in which he played. That's not only a comeback, that's also domination.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Are You a Pilgrim Golfer?
The Pilgrims called themselves such long before they left for the New World and settled in Massachusetts. They envisioned life as a pilgrimage in which there is an eternal, internal journey of spiritual growth. Golf can be considered a pilgrimage too. It is more than just a trip from the parking lot and clubhouse around nine or eighteen holes and back. There are the many challenges, triumphs, and detours that one encounters along the way that can also make it a transformational process should you choose to perceive it that way. Moving back and forth from pride to shame, from anger to joy, and from depression to elation are just a few of the transitions we make during a round. Author Scott Peck calls the golf course the “ideal laboratory for spiritual growth.”
As a pilgrim golfer, score is not the focal point of the game. Rather it is soulful learning and growth. How truly rewarding is it for you to simply learn how to score better if you do not also learn something about yourself along the way? So what do many of us Westerners ask our fellow golfers at the end of a round? “What did you shoot?”
In golf, like life, we learn is not linear – there is no straight path in your journey. Rather there are detours mixed with triumphs of sort, progress and regression too. Real growth is not measured by how good a golfer you. When we begin to diminish our fixation on scoring to an appreciation of the experiential journey, we may truly begin to grasp what golf and life have to offer us, and indeed score even better. While you may want to have a goal or destination, it will be your detachment from that goal and rather your focus on the journey and the process that will produce greater and more gratifying results.
As a pilgrim golfer, score is not the focal point of the game. Rather it is soulful learning and growth. How truly rewarding is it for you to simply learn how to score better if you do not also learn something about yourself along the way? So what do many of us Westerners ask our fellow golfers at the end of a round? “What did you shoot?”
In golf, like life, we learn is not linear – there is no straight path in your journey. Rather there are detours mixed with triumphs of sort, progress and regression too. Real growth is not measured by how good a golfer you. When we begin to diminish our fixation on scoring to an appreciation of the experiential journey, we may truly begin to grasp what golf and life have to offer us, and indeed score even better. While you may want to have a goal or destination, it will be your detachment from that goal and rather your focus on the journey and the process that will produce greater and more gratifying results.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Undressing!
Do you wear gloves every time you want to touch something? Probably not, yet figuratively we often do. We avoid direct touch by emotionally dressing and primping, adding clothes, putting on gloves if you will. It's as if we cover up who we really are.
When we knowingly or unknowingly add layers of clothes, we add layers that keep us from really feeling or experiencing the world around us. It may start with a thin layer of protection, but quickly becomes many layers that begin a state of loneliness reducing our joy.
Equate this to putting on a pair of gloves every time we touch something, then forgetting we have our gloves on, and then complaining because nothing feels real.
It's been said that we are all bald beneath our hair, yet we spend so much time emotionally covering and dressing up. We all want to be loved, and behind all insecurity and anger is a wound waiting to be healed. Too many layers impede that healing.
The same applies to our senses as well. Perhaps our challenge each day is not so much to get dressed up to face the world, but rather to unglove ourselves so we can feel that handshake, the cold doorknob, the wetness of the rain, the unique and unrepeatable goodbye kiss from another human being, the taste of every morsel of food, and so on.
Behind sadness is the scar of fear and scarcity. I challenge you to look for people, things, and experiences to find, explore, feel without layers, and appreciate - to discover and feel the joy in the ordinary all around you. It can begin with each breath and undress yourself of your mood, beliefs, and history. Feel your skin beneath your clothes, and your insides beneath your skin. Take a break and enjoy this time. Life may become so much more delicious for you!
You can do this in your golf game too!
When we knowingly or unknowingly add layers of clothes, we add layers that keep us from really feeling or experiencing the world around us. It may start with a thin layer of protection, but quickly becomes many layers that begin a state of loneliness reducing our joy.
Equate this to putting on a pair of gloves every time we touch something, then forgetting we have our gloves on, and then complaining because nothing feels real.
It's been said that we are all bald beneath our hair, yet we spend so much time emotionally covering and dressing up. We all want to be loved, and behind all insecurity and anger is a wound waiting to be healed. Too many layers impede that healing.
The same applies to our senses as well. Perhaps our challenge each day is not so much to get dressed up to face the world, but rather to unglove ourselves so we can feel that handshake, the cold doorknob, the wetness of the rain, the unique and unrepeatable goodbye kiss from another human being, the taste of every morsel of food, and so on.
Behind sadness is the scar of fear and scarcity. I challenge you to look for people, things, and experiences to find, explore, feel without layers, and appreciate - to discover and feel the joy in the ordinary all around you. It can begin with each breath and undress yourself of your mood, beliefs, and history. Feel your skin beneath your clothes, and your insides beneath your skin. Take a break and enjoy this time. Life may become so much more delicious for you!
You can do this in your golf game too!
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Tiger Woods - How We Define Heroes?
Witnessing the travails of Tiger Woods and especially his “pronouncement,” it really hit home that our, or maybe more appropriately my definition of a “hero” has really been off base. Here is a man who happens to get a little ball into a hole better than everyone else and who also has a pleasing appearance, and all of a sudden is a “hero.” We fashion immense wealth and fame upon people who simply sing, act, or perform in their craft or sport, and then define them as heroes and role models when we hardly know them. As with the case of Tiger Woods, he and his handlers and sponsors have carefully crafted a facade that was hardly authentic, though probably not on purpose. Looking forward I may want to be more discerning about whether I have validated these messages.
Do I blame Woods or his handlers? No. The key decision-maker is right in front of me in the mirror. This Woods episode has reminded me that celebrities do not deserve “hero status,” simply “celebrity status” whatever shallow meaning that has. My admiration or adulation of them will do nothing to improve my life or those around me. They are simply folks chasing their dream. Maybe we should be less concerned with their dreams and more concerned with our own and those we love and care about.
Yes, as regards Tiger Woods, he is still a hero and a role model on how to play the game of golf, though his club slamming and cursing were already tarnishing that image. May he become a genuine hero someday? Yes, anything is possible and he could be an admirable one. For now it is a reminder that I never should have given him that hero status, but based upon his persona and his charitable acts, he was a worthy candidate. As Tiger Woods has been quoted in the spring of 2009, “The public knows me about as well as they need to.” Those are not the feelings or statement of a giving hero. Tiger Woods’ actions and not his words will define his legacy to his family, friends, and us.
It is patriotic and politically correct to term those defending our country as heroes, but they indeed are REAL HEROES. So too are untold numbers of people who clean, serve, hire, train, lead, transport, protect, grow, build, inspire, explore, treat, process, teach, prepare, nurture, save, or comfort others everyday, day after day because it is the right thing to do. They include the innovators and the entrepreneurs, parents, children, senior citizens, teachers, friends, and the workers and leaders in every corner of the world. They operate from love, duty, integrity, charity, and hopefully joy, passion, and enthusiasm. They are not defined or identified by their job title if they even have one. Think about it, you probably come in contact with dozens of these heroes every day. Thank them and model them for they are the real heroes – and just maybe, you are one of them too!
One final thought, why watch others chasing their dreams when you could be chasing your own? It is never too late to finish strong.
Golfer or not, I invite you to visit www.golfshigherplane.com where hopefully you will find the message bigger than sports.
Do I blame Woods or his handlers? No. The key decision-maker is right in front of me in the mirror. This Woods episode has reminded me that celebrities do not deserve “hero status,” simply “celebrity status” whatever shallow meaning that has. My admiration or adulation of them will do nothing to improve my life or those around me. They are simply folks chasing their dream. Maybe we should be less concerned with their dreams and more concerned with our own and those we love and care about.
Yes, as regards Tiger Woods, he is still a hero and a role model on how to play the game of golf, though his club slamming and cursing were already tarnishing that image. May he become a genuine hero someday? Yes, anything is possible and he could be an admirable one. For now it is a reminder that I never should have given him that hero status, but based upon his persona and his charitable acts, he was a worthy candidate. As Tiger Woods has been quoted in the spring of 2009, “The public knows me about as well as they need to.” Those are not the feelings or statement of a giving hero. Tiger Woods’ actions and not his words will define his legacy to his family, friends, and us.
It is patriotic and politically correct to term those defending our country as heroes, but they indeed are REAL HEROES. So too are untold numbers of people who clean, serve, hire, train, lead, transport, protect, grow, build, inspire, explore, treat, process, teach, prepare, nurture, save, or comfort others everyday, day after day because it is the right thing to do. They include the innovators and the entrepreneurs, parents, children, senior citizens, teachers, friends, and the workers and leaders in every corner of the world. They operate from love, duty, integrity, charity, and hopefully joy, passion, and enthusiasm. They are not defined or identified by their job title if they even have one. Think about it, you probably come in contact with dozens of these heroes every day. Thank them and model them for they are the real heroes – and just maybe, you are one of them too!
One final thought, why watch others chasing their dreams when you could be chasing your own? It is never too late to finish strong.
Golfer or not, I invite you to visit www.golfshigherplane.com where hopefully you will find the message bigger than sports.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Being in the moment is crucial for capturing your best performance in golf and beyond. Relish everything about the present, even your nerves and anxiety, and circumstances you may not even like. I have long preached "being comfortable with being uncomfortable." Interestingly, long-time golf pro, Dennis Tiziani told his son-in-law, PGA TOUR player Steve Stricker, almost exactly the same thing early in the 2010 season.
Whether struggling or in the groove, continue to focus on everything in the present tense. This can include your breathing and your surroundings, but always your target. This can translate into either aggressive or conservative play, but the critical thing is that you are not focused upon the past or the future. Being focused upon yourself and your surroundings in the present is the essence of spiritualism in practice. You will then know when to play conservatively or to take prudent chances.
The ego loves a battle and is always creating foes in either the past or future. By embracing the present, you quiet the ego, your "monkey mind." Recognizing fear or that you are uncomfortable is the best way to do just this. It calls your ego on the carpet saying "I know you, you can't mess with me." YOU and not your ego is then in control. Relish anything in golf or beyond that makes you feel uncomfortable; while others are squirming you will develop an unusual, but relevant comfort zone. (This is exactly what Tiger Woods does.)
Whether struggling or in the groove, continue to focus on everything in the present tense. This can include your breathing and your surroundings, but always your target. This can translate into either aggressive or conservative play, but the critical thing is that you are not focused upon the past or the future. Being focused upon yourself and your surroundings in the present is the essence of spiritualism in practice. You will then know when to play conservatively or to take prudent chances.
The ego loves a battle and is always creating foes in either the past or future. By embracing the present, you quiet the ego, your "monkey mind." Recognizing fear or that you are uncomfortable is the best way to do just this. It calls your ego on the carpet saying "I know you, you can't mess with me." YOU and not your ego is then in control. Relish anything in golf or beyond that makes you feel uncomfortable; while others are squirming you will develop an unusual, but relevant comfort zone. (This is exactly what Tiger Woods does.)
Monday, January 11, 2010
Tiger Woods & The Law of Attraction
My book, “Golf’s Higher Plane” was barely finished when the Tiger Woods Marital Scandal broke. I quickly got several calls, “Bob, you referred to Tiger Woods quite frequently in your book, will you have to re-write it?"
My answer is an emphatic “No.” I included Tiger Woods because his approach to golf better typifies the Law of Attraction than any other current golfer, or perhaps athlete for that matter. Either by instinct or overt action, he has skillfully leveraged the Law of Attraction principles to become one of golf’s greatest players ever. It is “the secret” that has produced his mental toughness, focus, and other qualities we admire – his competitive edge. We all want to improve our golf experience, so why not copy these principles and Tiger’s positive actions?
The qualities expressed in leveraging the Law of Attraction that made Tiger Woods a great golfer hold true no matter what he does outside the golf arena.
The Law of Attraction is not about whether or not you are a good person. It is a matter of physics. What you focus upon you attract. Being pure of spirit has nothing to do with the Law of Attraction anymore than the Law of Gravity won’t exempt “good” people from falling. We simply learned that Woods is more selfish and less authentic than we might have hoped – neither the cause of nor the effect of the Law of Attraction. He attracted what he focused upon.
Secondly, the Law of Attraction is working all the time for everyone whether for intended or unintended results. It is not my place to discuss why Tiger Woods behaved the way he did. Suffice it to say, some of our idols have feet of clay.
Many of us are so quick to judge others as well as what happens in life as right or wrong, good or bad, attractive or ugly, etc. Yes, I, too, briefly got caught up judging Tiger Woods, a man I really don’t know well (very few really do). Even if I knew Tiger better, judging him is not healthy or productive for me.
Judging others and feeling righteous are two low-level energies in the same family as fear, scarcity, jealously, anger, and the like. When we judge others, and especially when we proclaim our judgments, we take ourselves out of alignment with our “best selves.” We sabotage the benefits of the Law of Attraction and attract similar low energy experiences. The real opportunity associated with the Law of Attraction is the realization that we can choose to grow in exciting ways – judgment is not one of them.
Maybe we should all be more forgiving, but less enamored of prominent people. What the Woods Family needs now are more friends and fewer critics. And don’t we all?
Visit my website, www.golfshigherplane.com and sign up for my FREE NEWSLETTER and FREE GOLF GIFT. Better yet, buy “Golf’s Higher Plane” to show you how you can quickly transform your golf game and life for the better.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Welcome!
Welcome to my "Golf's Higher Plane" blog which will highlight anything to improve your golf experience. No doubt you're reading this through the Law of Attraction.
I will cover game improvement techniques, travel and courses, books, equipment and interesting products, people, and the state of the game.
Also check out www.golfshigherplane.com and sign up for my FREE MEMBERSHIP & FREE BONUS!
Of special interest is the DVD/CD offering called "Golf's Higher Plane." The message is obvious yet so elusive that most Touring Pros have not yet mastered it - a new opportunity for growth!
I look to collaborate and create, rather than compete with others in golf, and welcome your feedback. - Bob Fagan
I will cover game improvement techniques, travel and courses, books, equipment and interesting products, people, and the state of the game.
Also check out www.golfshigherplane.com and sign up for my FREE MEMBERSHIP & FREE BONUS!
Of special interest is the DVD/CD offering called "Golf's Higher Plane." The message is obvious yet so elusive that most Touring Pros have not yet mastered it - a new opportunity for growth!
I look to collaborate and create, rather than compete with others in golf, and welcome your feedback. - Bob Fagan
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