It's All in Our Perspective

Today a very dear friend of mine called me for some professional coaching. While I won't disclose his identity, we enjoy a mutual admiration and respect, and so enjoy each other's company when we meet or talk. I consider him one of my dearest friends. He is one great guy, and an outstanding golfer who has also had many successes in business probably along with disappointments as well. I brag about this friend to others. He's over sixty, kills the ball, has a skilled short-game, a wonderful swing and competes with, and yes beats, the flatbellied teenagers and college kids in many scratch competitions. He's won state titles and is within spitting distance of a state golf "Hall of Fame" honor. When you add that he gets to travel, enjoys good health and vitality, and has a host of wonderful friends around the world and a loving wife, you're probably saying "Wow!" So have I.

Not so. My buddy was about to quit the game for good this morning. He was in a golfing depression. He's had it, and dropped out of a final round of a tournament yesterday after the third hole. No more golf, not happy. Rather fish instead. Nothing wrong with the fishing part, but how could this man, someone who most of the golfing world would trade places in a nano-second feel so sad? It came from his perspective.

He had fallen into the trap of despairing the distance to his destination, that he forgot to savor the distance he's come from his origin. He was focused upon his lack rather than his abundance. He was preoccupied with his failings and hardships instead of his accomplishments and blessings.

When life is bad for us in America, really bad by our standards, there are probably close to a billion other people around the world that would gladly trade any day for our worst. It's all in our perspective. In this man's case, 90 percent of the golfing population would love to paste a drive just once like he does many times a round or hit a laser-like iron at the target and can a putt as often as he does.

When I revealed to my buddy that I actually bragged about him to others, it started to wake him up. He had been playing golf (and life) for outcome, not enjoyment. As an ardent striver, he has always set lofty goals for himself that probably only a superhuman could attain. When he would fall short, he would feel the sting of failure, and likely even quietly demean himself. I reminded him that golf, like life, is a journey not a destination so failure is never possible.

Was my friend crazy? Absolutely not, but from our detached perspective we can see how one could either be sadly pained or happily elated given the same set of circumstances.

My friend is mature, honest, and open about himself, and his pain was finally enough to open his heart to some new ideas. While our conversation was much more involved, I encouraged him to try playing for joy and not for outcome, to notice all the joyful things about his golf course journey and to revel in them, to play from a position of love and abundance rather than from fear and scarcity, and to live and golf in correlation with his best or most authentic self.

I further explained that whatever he believes, he can create, if he adds patience, forgiveness, and eliminates judgment. So can you too!

If you think you can, you can. If you think this message is valuable and relevant, it is. If not, it isn't. The power is yours and it always has been. This is all more about remembering to remember for there is genius in all of us, and my dear friend will discover that he and not me is his ultimate best coach - his "best self."

Finally, I have only told you half the story. Yes, I did get this call this morning from my friend just as I have relayed to you, but the rest of the story could have been written about my journey as well. I have lived much of this same story and can relay to you that this process works. Look to enjoy the journey more and you will enjoy the journey more!

Yours in golf and life,
Bob Fagan